


Exterminate My Bones (5 Mistakes)

by i_solemnly_swear



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, F/M, Josh is Sad, M/M, Proceed with caution, Suicidal Thoughts, but keeps messing up, platonic Joshler, this turned out way sadder than originally intended, tyler tries to help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 12:37:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7508539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_solemnly_swear/pseuds/i_solemnly_swear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spiders have crawled inside Josh and made themselves a home.<br/>Tyler asks if he's okay.<br/>Josh denies.<br/>They mess up a lot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Exterminate My Bones (5 Mistakes)

**Author's Note:**

> Something I wrote based on Friend, Please from twenty one pilots' self titled album. Don't read if suicidal thoughts are triggering to you. Enjoy :)

       "That is a _mess_."

       "No, it's a journal," Tyler said defensively, pulling the book he was writing in away from his friend's line of sight. The pages were weighed down with ink and barely any blank space remained, yet he was still cramming ideas and pieces of verses in wherever he could. It was the most disorderly thing Josh had ever seen.

       "How do you keep track of anything?" He asked, peering closer at Tyler's tiny scribbles, over exaggerating squinting his eyes and bringing his face right up to the journal as if he couldn't read anything. Tyler ignored him and continued writing.

       "Ty. Have you ever heard of an eraser?"

       "I always use pen. I know I'm going to have to scratch out a lot and change most things but I don't like those first ideas to be gone, y'know?"

       Josh straightened up and stared down at his friend, an expression somewhere between frustration and wonder plastered across his face. "I'll stick with drumming."

       Tyler shrugged. "Suit yourself."

       They sat in silence, Josh staring at Tyler from the side as his friend wrote away, never once looking up from his journal. The pink-haired boy dropped his head.

       Tyler kept creating.

       He did nothing.

       Tyler made words, ideas, art-- out of nothing. Out of thin air.

       Josh sat and stared.

       They were both sitting on one of the two couches in their tour bus, and it was getting hot and cramped- to Josh, at least.

       "I'm gonna get some air."

       Tyler grunted in acknowledgement as Josh stood up, but didn't stop writing.

       Tyler wasn’t _that_ bad at human interaction. He got caught up in his work a lot, and sometimes forgot to level social life with his art. He's good at eye contact, though; and glances. But glances don't matter unless they are received, and Tyler only looked up when Josh sighed and headed for the door- when Josh had already turned away. Tyler's eyes followed his friend's black sweatshirt until he was outside.    

       And of course, by then it was too late.

       _Mistake #1._

* * *

 

       Tyler hadn't seen Josh for the rest of the day.

       He went to the press tour meeting alone, because it was his turn to go. He and Josh switched off representing the two of them at the meetings because they both hated them (neither one coped well with boredom) and figured it was better that only one of them would have to suffer once per week.

       So Josh wasn't even supposed to be there. But Tyler still felt weird being alone.

       He felt bad about sorta kinda ignoring his friend earlier, and wondered if Josh was mad at him. Tyler knew that even if he were angry, he would never say so; Josh was the type to bottle up his emotions instead of let them blow up. The closest thing to a ‘fight’ they had ever had was a little tension. And even that usually dissipated soon enough that both boys forgot about whatever had happened.

 

**Tyler (sent 3:42 pm): youll be happy to know tht the show clips in new tour promo vid consist mostly of u. ://**

       Tyler put his phone down on the table in their tour bus and sat back against the booth, watching Mark and Jenna play some Wii game in the front of the bus. His heart was beating a little fast, and his nerves were more on edge than usual. He drummed his fingers against the seat.

       It took nearly thirty slow minutes for Tyler’s phone screen to light up again.

**Josh (sent 4:09 pm): haha**

_Well, he responded_ , Tyler thought, a little relief cooling the anxiety he had gotten from Josh's abrupt exit earlier. But under normal circumstances, he would have teased Tyler for being less represented in the video. If Josh were really okay, he would have said something more than "haha." He would have taken what Tyler had said and he would have run with it.

       Tyler stared uneasily back at Josh's four letter response.

       "Hey Ty, come give a man a hand, your wife is _crushing_ me at Mario Kart," Mark yelled, followed by Jenna's ringing laughter.

       “Yeah, one sec,” Tyler murmured, staring blankly at his phone. He should probably text Josh again, pry for some more information, some reassurance. _But that would be invasive,_ a voice inside his head urged. _You’ve bothered Josh enough. He’s fine._

       “Ty, come on.” Jenna beckoned him over to the couch, offering up a third Wii remote.

_Leave Josh alone._

Tyler dropped his phone on the table and walked to the other side of the bus, accepting the controller.

       “Rainbow Road, you are going to be my _bitch,_ ” Mark growled.

       Tyler’s eyes darted back to his phone. He tore them away.

       _Mistake #2._

* * *

 

       Josh came back relatively late that night, slipping into the bus and moving quietly towards the back, where his bunk lay above his best friend’s. Tyler, Jenna, and Mark were all sprawled out on the couch, having grown bored of Mario Kart a couple hours ago, and were now all on their phones. Tyler’s arm was slung lazily around Jenna’s shoulders. He withdrew it and sat up when Josh walked in.

       “Hey, Josh.” He looked at his friend’s face, searching for some kind of hint at his current mood.

       Josh stopped and looked up, startled, as if he had been lost in thought. “Hey,” he responded, Tyler silently noted, without the signature Josh grin (kind of lopsided, and charming). He looked at Tyler for a second and then continued walking.

       “Wait, Josh.” Tyler stood up.

       Josh stopped again.

       “We’re gonna go out to dinner soon. Nothing fancy, probably Taco Bell.”

       “I think I’ll stay here,” Josh said. “Pretty tired.”

       “Are you okay?” Tyler swallowed hard.

       Josh’s head cocked. “Yeah.” He disappeared into the bunk room.

       “Josh coming?” Jenna asked, popping an earbud out.

       “No,” Tyler sighed, casting a worried glance toward the back of the bus. “I don’t really know what’s up with him.”

      “Don’t worry about it too much. He’s your best friend. If there was something really wrong, he would tell you, right?”

       Tyler nodded.

       “C’mon.” Jenna patted her husband’s arm. “You can bring him back some takeout.”

       The closed bunk room door stared back at Tyler.

       He turned away.

       _Mistake #3._

* * *

 

       Josh felt like a ghost as he walked through the bus to his bunk. He was surprised that Tyler spoke to him; he felt invisible. Tyler had seemed to know something was up with him. Josh had denied- as he always did.

       The spiders were in his chest again.

       He could feel them scuttling around, building their home. Feeding off his fear. He wanted to starve them. But the light inside him was gone, and fear was all Josh could feel.

       He lay on his bunk, shaking.

       The spiders were a lot harder to ignore when he had no distraction. He turned onto his stomach, wishing he could rip his skin open and let them fall out of his chest so that the light might return.

       Tyler’s journal lay open on his bunk below.

       The spiders bit him harder.

       The journal was everything Tyler was that Josh wasn’t. New. Innovative, Ever-growing. Creative. Josh couldn’t fathom half of the ideas that Tyler was creating with his mind. And he did it so effortlessly. Why couldn’t Josh do that? Tyler had become so much. And he had stuck with Josh along the way. They were best friends- but why? What had Josh become? Why hadn’t Tyler moved on to better things than him?

       Josh’s bones were shaking. The spiders were starting to burrow through them. It was too much.

       What had he become?

       Josh didn’t realize he was crying until he saw a drop of water fall onto the journal page and realized it was from his own eye. The ink blurred a little and Josh felt a pain erupt in his chest.

       Now he was a destroyer of what Tyler had created.

       He needed to hide. But he was too weak.

       So he let the spiders make their home.      

* * *

 

       When Josh didn’t answer Tyler’s knocks on the door (as he had expected), he let himself in to find the drummer passed out on his bunk, head hanging ever-so-slightly over the edge.

       Tyler dropped the bag of tacos he had brought for Josh on his bunk next to his journal and sighed, sitting down on the mattress. The journal was flipped open to the latest page, and Tyler was about to close it when he noticed the paper stained in the middle. His tiny writing, challenging to decipher at the best of times, was now nearly impossible to read as the words had run together. Had water dripped from a leak in the bus onto his journal? Tyler sat back and looked up from where the journal lay to see… Josh’s sleeping face.

       _Oh._

A pang shot through Tyler’s chest. Josh had been crying. He knew there was something wrong… why hadn’t Josh said anything when he had asked?

       Tyler considered waking Josh to talk about it, but decided against it. Sleep was good. Things were usually better in the morning; maybe Josh would feel better after some rest. He shut the lights off and climbed into bed below his friend.

       _Mistake #4._

* * *

 

Josh was staring into the stream.

       He didn’t know how he arrived there- whether it was the spiders that dragged him out or if it was his own decision- he couldn’t tell the difference anymore (another reason he knew he was in the right place).

_What have I become…_

Jagged rocks protruded from the stream, making the current choppy and distorting Josh’s moonlit reflection in the fast-moving water.

       _Goddammit,_ he was still scared. Why did he always have to _feel_ so much?

       It started drizzling. Josh sighed as the cool drops hit his skin, feeling like he could melt away with them and glide into the stream. He closed his eyes. That would be nice. He could be a part of something bigger.

       More than he was currently, anyway.

       His pocket vibrated. Tyler.

 

**Tyler (sent 2:12 am): Josh where are you?**

       Josh wasn’t going to respond. But it was Tyler. He deserved more than Josh could ever give. He deserved at least a response.

 

**Tyler (sent 2:13 am): Josh please**

**Josh (sent 2:14 am): outside.**

**Tyler (sent 2:14 am) : Josh it’s raining. Come back inside**

**Josh (sent 2:16 am): its gonna wash me away**

       Josh slipped his phone away and stood at the edge of the stream. The spiders were everywhere. But they weren’t crawling anymore. They were settled everywhere; they were a part of him. He needed to take them out all at once. He was suddenly reminded of the last Harry Potter novel; in order to destroy Voldemort, Harry had to die. It made Harry a hero.

       Why couldn’t Josh be one, too?

       “ _Josh._ ”

       He froze.

       “Josh, turn around.”

       His feet wouldn’t move.

       Tyler’s voice broke. “ _Please,”_ he croaked. “Stop hiding from me.”

       Josh slowly turned around. He kept his face down. He didn’t want to see the disappointment he knew would be in Tyler’s eyes.

       “Josh.” Tyler’s voice was comforting, like it always was. Josh didn’t know if he should try to resist it or not. “Why are you out here?”

       Silence.

       “What are you thinking?”

       Josh paused, and then said, “I’m alone.”

       “How long have you been covering up your eyes?” Tyler said softly. “I’m right in front of you.”

       Josh broke.

       Tyler caught him. Like he always did.

       For a long time, the only sounds were the rain, Josh’s sniffles, and Tyler’s soft words.

       “What were your plans tonight, Josh?”

       “To leave,” Josh answered quietly.

       Tyler bowed his head and cried into Josh’s neck. Tears and rain felt the same now.

       “I’m not moving,” Tyler drew in a breath, ”until that sun rises. Your plans are cancelled.”

       Josh looked up at his friend’s face, almost unrecognizable when contorted in pain. “I’m sorry,” he choked. “You can yell at me all you want. You didn’t deserve this.”

       Tyler hushed him. “I’m not going to yell at you. I’m going to listen. For as long as it takes for you to tell me.”

       “Tell you what?”

       “Everything.”

* * *

      5:21 am

 

       Josh extracted himself from Tyler’s sleeping frame. It was still dark. The rain was starting again.

       The running water beckoned Josh as he waded out knee-deep. He looked back at Tyler, asleep on the bank. 

       _He’ll be ruined,_ a voice said.

       _No. He’ll be great_ , Josh (or maybe it was the spiders) thought.

       Because that’s what Josh was best at:

       Denying.

       _Mistake #5._

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! Any suggestions/comments/kudos would make my day:)


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